We live in a world that seems to be filled with relentless optimism, where motivational quote social media accounts gather millions of followers, and where we are often told to “stay positive” no matter what. But when positivity becomes forced, it turns into toxic positivity—the pressure to suppress difficult emotions, deny struggles, and maintain a cheerful façade at all costs.
On the other end of the spectrum, toxic negativity is just as harmful. It’s the tendency to focus excessively on problems, assume the worst, and view challenges as insurmountable. This mindset leaves little room for hope, solutions, or forward movement.
Both extremes are unhelpful because they strip away our ability to process reality as it is. True growth happens somewhere in the middle—where we acknowledge difficulties without becoming consumed by them and cultivate optimism without dismissing real emotions. This is where resilience comes in.
The Middle Way: A Path of Balance
I have always loved the Buddhist story of The Middle Way. According to tradition, before reaching enlightenment, the Buddha explored both extreme self-indulgence and extreme self-denial. He lived as a prince, surrounded by luxury, and later as an ascetic, pushing his body to its limits in pursuit of wisdom. Eventually, he realised that neither extreme led to true understanding. Instead, he discovered a balanced path—the Middle Way—where insight comes from neither clinging to pleasure nor rejecting pain, but from navigating life with awareness and equilibrium.
This lesson resonates deeply when we think about toxic positivity and negativity. Leaning too far in either direction disconnects us from reality. Just as the Buddha found wisdom in balance, we build resilience by accepting both the light and the shadow, embracing the full complexity of human experience without losing ourselves in extremes.
The Problem with Extreme Positivity
Positivity is often well-intentioned, but when it becomes extreme, it invalidates real emotions, turning toxic. When people are told to “just look on the bright side” or “stay strong” without space to process pain, they may feel unheard, ashamed, or even defective for experiencing normal human struggles. This approach:
Suppresses emotions instead of addressing them.
Prevents learning from challenges by avoiding discomfort.
Creates a disconnect between how we feel and how we "should" feel.
Ignoring emotions doesn’t make them disappear—it buries them. And what’s buried eventually finds a way to surface, often in unhelpful ways.
The Problem with Extreme Negativity
While extreme positivity denies problems, extreme negativity magnifies them. It reinforces helplessness, making it difficult to see opportunities or take action. A consistently negative mindset:
Trains the brain to expect failure, reinforcing self-doubt.
Discourages effort, leading to stagnation.
Pushes people away, as negativity drains relationships.
Some people mistakenly believe negativity is realism, but resilience teaches us that reality includes both struggle and solutions.
Why Resilience Is Key
Resilience is not about blind positivity or dwelling on negativity. It’s about emotional balance—the ability to navigate challenges while maintaining hope and adaptability. Resilient individuals:
Acknowledge emotions without judgement.
Find lessons in difficulties rather than avoiding them.
Shift perspective to see opportunities, even in setbacks.
Take action rather than getting stuck in negativity.
This doesn’t mean ignoring pain or forcing positivity—it means recognising challenges while choosing how to respond.
Building Resilience
To cultivate resilience in everyday life, I believe it's important to:
Embrace emotional complexity – Allow yourself to feel without labelling emotions as “good” or “bad.” All emotions provide valuable information.
Reframe challenges – Instead of asking, “Why is this happening to me?” try, “What can I learn from this?”
Strengthen self-compassion – Speak to yourself with kindness rather than criticism.
Develop problem-solving skills – Resilience isn’t just about mindset; it’s also about taking practical steps forward.
Build a strong support system – Surround yourself with people who validate your emotions while encouraging growth.
Final Thoughts
Toxic positivity ignores struggle. Toxic negativity ignores possibilities. Resilience, however, helps us navigate both—honouring difficulties while finding ways to move forward.
Like the Middle Way, resilience teaches us that extremes rarely serve us. Growth happens when we accept reality as it is—joy and sorrow, success and failure—and respond with awareness and adaptability.
By embracing emotional awareness, shifting perspectives, and taking action, we cultivate a mindset that supports growth, not avoidance. And in the process, we build a stronger, more adaptable version of ourselves.
Resilience isn’t about pretending everything is fine. It’s about knowing you can handle whatever comes next.
Comments