A friend once told me she skipped a networking event because someone she had an awkward falling-out with was attending. “I just didn’t want to deal with it,” she said. “I wanted to protect my peace.” She convinced herself this was self-care, a way of maintaining control. But in reality? She wasn’t protecting her peace—she was limiting her world.
It’s easy to justify avoidance. It feels like a choice, a form of self-preservation. After all, who wouldn’t want to steer clear of uncomfortable encounters? But avoidance doesn’t just keep unwanted interactions at bay. It also keeps growth, confidence, and resilience at a distance. Over time, what starts as an occasional retreat turns into a habit of disengagement. And that habit can quietly shape the way we experience the world.
When Avoidance Becomes a Habit
It starts small. A skipped event here, a conversation left unsaid there. At first, it seems harmless—maybe even wise. But before you know it, it’s a pattern.
You avoid the presentation because public speaking makes you nervous. You hold back from giving constructive feedback because the conversation feels uncomfortable. You step away from opportunities that require you to be seen, challenged, or vulnerable.
And with every step back, your world gets smaller. The places you go, the people you interact with, the situations you feel capable of handling—all begin to narrow. What once was mild discomfort starts to feel impossible to face.
Because here’s the truth: the more you avoid discomfort, the harder it becomes to face it. And the harder it becomes to face, the more powerless you feel in your own life. You don’t build confidence by waiting until something feels easy—you build it by doing the hard thing while it still feels uncomfortable.
Think of a muscle. If you never use it, it weakens. The same goes for emotional adaptability. The less we expose ourselves to challenging situations, the less equipped we become to handle them. What was once a small challenge suddenly feels like an unbearable one—not because the situation changed, but because we failed to strengthen our ability to navigate it.
Real Growth Happens in Discomfort
People talk about resilience like it’s something you either have or you don’t. But resilience isn’t something you’re born with—it’s something you train. And that training happens every time you stay in a moment of discomfort instead of retreating.
That difficult conversation? It’s a chance to develop clarity and communication. And when you push through, you realise that tension isn’t as unbearable as it seemed. That moment of public speaking anxiety? It’s an opportunity to strengthen your presence under pressure. The more you do it, the more natural it becomes. That project you feel unqualified for? It’s how you expand your skill set and prove to yourself what you're capable of. And once you complete it, you gain the confidence to take on even bigger challenges.
Growth isn’t comfortable. It never has been. The people who thrive in leadership, in business, in life—are not the ones who have avoided discomfort. They are the ones who have built the capacity to handle it.
And that capacity isn’t just useful for career success—it shapes our relationships, our ability to problem-solve, and even our mental well-being. When we know we can navigate hard things, we don’t live in fear of them.
The Question to Ask Yourself
Are you truly at peace, or are you just avoiding situations that challenge you?
There is no version of success, growth, or leadership that doesn’t require engaging with discomfort. The peace we’re looking for doesn’t come from controlling every environment or avoiding every difficult situation. It comes from knowing that whatever happens, we can handle it.
That’s real strength. Not walking away at the first sign of difficulty, but knowing that we are capable of navigating it. Not waiting for life to get easier, but developing the skills to thrive even when it’s hard.
So, the next time you feel the pull to avoid something, pause. Ask yourself: Is this truly self-care, or am I stepping away from an opportunity to grow?
Because the life you want? The confidence, the opportunities, the deep relationships, and the success? They don’t live inside your comfort zone.
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